When A Challenge Improves The Thinking
I was running a workshop recently, and we were talking about one of the most practical resilience tools I teach: control the controllables.
At one point I said something I’ve said many times before:
Don’t pick fights you can’t win.
The point I was making was simple. A lot of stress in modern life comes from investing huge amounts of emotional energy into things we have absolutely no control over.
Decisions made far above our pay grade.
Other people’s behaviour.
Organisational politics.
Global events.
When we obsess over those things, we drain energy without moving the needle.
So I encourage people to focus their energy where they actually have control.
But during the break someone came up to me and said:
“I actually disagree with that.”
And I loved it.
Because good conversations often start exactly there.
When A Challenge Improves The Thinking
We wrote the phrase up on the board and opened it up to the group.
What followed was a really interesting discussion.
The point the participant raised was that sometimes we do need to challenge things that sit outside our direct control.
If everyone only focused on what they could personally control, nothing would ever change.
Fair point.
That’s when the conversation shifted in a useful direction.
Control, Influence, And Concern
In resilience work, we often talk about three circles.
Control
The things you can directly act on.
Influence
The things you can shape through conversations, leadership or persuasion.
Concern
The things you care about but realistically can’t change.
The mistake people often make is spending most of their energy in the concern circle.
But the workshop discussion reminded me that the influence circle matters too.
Sometimes it is worth pushing into that space.
When It’s Worth Fighting
The key question we landed on as a group was this:
Is there a realistic path from concern → influence → control?
If there is, then the situation might be worth engaging with.
But only if it passes another test.
Your energy audit.
Because influence takes effort.
It requires time, emotional bandwidth and persistence.
If you’re already exhausted or stretched thin, picking another battle may just make things worse.
But if:
- the issue matters
- there is a genuine chance of influence
- and you have the bandwidth to engage
then stepping forward might be exactly the right thing to do.
The Energy Test
This idea of an energy audit comes up a lot in resilience work.
Every challenge has an energy cost.
Before engaging, it’s worth asking a simple question:
Do I have the capacity to carry this right now?
If the answer is no, stepping back is not weakness.
It’s discipline.
If the answer is yes, then leaning into the challenge might be worthwhile.
Why I Value Being Challenged
One of the things I genuinely enjoy about running workshops is moments like that.
When someone pushes back respectfully.
Not to argue for the sake of it, but to improve the thinking.
Because the goal isn’t to deliver perfect answers.
The goal is to create better conversations.
That moment in the workshop sharpened the idea for everyone in the room, including me.
And that’s exactly how good learning should work.
The Real Takeaway
Control the controllables is still one of the most powerful resilience tools I know.
But it’s not about shrinking your world.
It’s about being intentional with where you place your energy.
Don’t waste it fighting battles that will never move.
But if you can see a path from concern to influence, and influence to control — and you have the bandwidth to engage — then stepping forward might be exactly the right move.
Just make sure the fight is worth the energy.